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S11 Ep. 1: Revenge Sex, What's Kinky, and When are Sex Problems Not About Sex?
Season 11, Ep. 1
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In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:
1) I’m recently back in the dating game and wondering if there are generally accepted definitions of vanilla/non-vanilla? So far, I've ducked all the likes from guys who describe themselves as 'non-vanilla' in case I disappoint. I'm late 50s cis female heterosexual, I love sex, and have a very healthy libido. I'm very comfortable about my body, love having sex outside, and enjoy oral and anal (including anal sex and pegging if it excites a partner). I’m into lots of toy play, sharing porn, or making home porn. I’m comfortable masturbating with or in front of a partner and occasionally enjoy light bondage. But I’m monogamous and have never had any interest in bringing other people into play. I've also never felt any urge to explore anything more BDSM than the light bondage. Am I vanilla or non-vanilla?
2) I found some flirty messages on my wife’s phone and think she is having an emotional affair. I challenged her about it and she said she’d stop. But how do I keep calm and bring back trust, knowing she meets the same person daily? Is messaging a red flag that a real affair is about to happen? Shall I wait and see, ignore her, or do the same so she becomes jealous?
3) I have found a great guy. He’s kind, caring, fun, adores me, and would be a great partner and father if we had kids. He’s creative in the bedroom which is important to me and everything I've been looking for…but I don't feel satisfied after sex. We’ve been going out for 18 months. At the beginning, the sex wasn't great, but now he’s learned what works. He gets really turned on by me, which turns me on. I enjoy the sex, but I don’t get a sense of deep satisfaction. Does this mean the relationship is doomed if the spark isn’t there?
To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU
Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!
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10. S11 Ep. 10: What Type of Penis Feels Best for Women, Are Most Men Silent During Sex, and Why Does She Need Different Things Each Time She Climaxes?
15:48||Season 11, Ep. 10In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Why do women need different things to orgasm each time? Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out and found the spot that makes my wife orgasm, she moves the goalposts. It seems to change every time. Is this true, or am I imagining it? 2) Which feels better for women: a short, fat penis or a long, thin one? I am tall and have a long, thin one but I’m never sure whether to feel smug when people talk about big penises. Mine is long in length, but not impressive in width. I haven’t had any complaints, but most of my exes are too polite to say anything. 3) Why do most men stay silent during sex? Very few of the men I have been with talk dirty or moan. Is it to do with confidence? Do they feel silly making noise? Is this a ‘thing’ or just the men I’ve slept with?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!9. S11 Ep. 9: Face-sitting, Painful Sex, and Tips to Make a BJ More Enjoyable
22:52||Season 11, Ep. 9In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My question is about ‘face sitting’. My husband has asked me to try this with him, which I'm more than happy to do. But would like to know a bit more about it—especially because I'm a bigger girl and don't want to hurt him. 2) My girlfriend doesn’t love giving BJs, but will do so on occasion. If she doesn’t enjoy them, it’s not fun for either of us, and if that’s the case, that’s just the way it is. But do you have any tips on getting her to enjoy them that might make a difference?3) My husband loves positions where he can penetrate deep inside me, but sometimes that’s painful for me. Is there anything we can do to stop it from hurting, but still make it fun for him?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!8. S11 Ep. 8: Squirting, Additive Vibrators, and Bisexuality
25:21||Season 11, Ep. 8In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I didn’t start having good sex until my early 30s, and within a few months of dating I started squirting. Now, it’s a ridiculous amount. I can’t have sex anywhere except on a waterproof mattress cover or blanket. Sometimes just kissing my partner makes me gush slightly which can be uncomfortable if I can’t immediately change underwear. We were hooking up in the kitchen the other day and I made a decent size puddle on the floor. Is there a way to lessen the amount of gushing or turn it off? 2) On Valentine’s Day, I gave my wife a gift—a clitoral suction toy. She enjoyed it so much that every time we have sex, she uses it. At first, I enjoyed it too (and my hands didn’t get as tired), but now I’m starting to worry. Will I become less attractive to her? Will we ever have sex without toys? Is sex with me boring or not as pleasurable? How should I deal with this?3) I’m a married man in a loving relationship and enjoying great sex with my wife. Over time, I’ve realized that I’m also attracted to men, though I’ve never fallen in love with one. I’ve been exploring my sexuality privately, but I’m unsure how to navigate this while being committed to my marriage. I’m still very attracted to my wife and don’t want to lie to her, but I also want to keep our marriage alive. Do you know anyone else who has been in a similar situation? How did they approach it, and what advice do you have for exploring bisexuality in a way that respects your partner and relationship?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!7. S11 Ep. 7: Prostate Pleasure, Nipple Biting, and I Don't Want to Watch Porn with My Wife
25:11||Season 11, Ep. 7In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My wife and I, both in our late 30s, have always enjoyed an adventurous sex life. She’s always watched porn, which leaves me cold but never bothered me. But now she wants to watch it together. I really don’t want to, and it’s causing arguments. She thinks I’m ‘weird’ and says I’m probably the only man in the world who would say no to this request.2) I’m really into having my nipples bitten HARD, but find men are nervous about doing this. How can I convince them it doesn’t hurt me? It’s the one sure way to push myself into orgasm if I’m having problems getting there. 3) I want to ask my new girlfriend to give me an orgasm via prostate massage using a sex toy or her finger. A previous partner did this, and it was the most intense, deep orgasm I have ever experienced. I’m nervous to suggest it in case she thinks it’s dirty. When should I bring it up and how?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!6. S11 Ep. 6: Masturbation Surprise, Tipping Over into Orgasm, and What to Do If Facing a Sexless Future with a Wife You Love?
28:00||Season 11, Ep. 6In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’ve been listening to your podcast since the beginning and my question is similar to other male listeners: I'm 51, my wife is 55, and we’ve been married for 20 years. We have four kids in their older teens. Our sex life has been virtually non-existent for at least six years, and we have had no sex at all in the last year. We don't even sleep in same bed anymore. We tried therapy and that didn't work. My wife suffers from migraines and insomnia. I try to be empathetic, but I'm getting frustrated. Time is running out for us and I don't want to be in a sexless marriage for the rest of our lives. I love my wife and our family, but I’m a virile man. What can I do?2) What’s the etiquette when you surprise your partner as they are masturbating? This happened to me last week. Do you creep out hoping they didn’t see you (sadly they did)? Do you apologize briefly and leave them to it? If you do, what do you say when you see them next? Acknowledge the act or simply make no comment at all? Do you offer a hand or join in? I was utterly lost for words. We both masturbate on our own every now and then, but have never come across the other in the act itself. I’d be so interested to get your take.3) What do you do if you’re on the verge on an orgasm but can’t seem to get over the hump? I’m a 26-year-old straight woman.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!5. S11 Ep. 5: Arranged Marriages, Girlfriends Who Rush Sex, and a Husband Who Won't DIY
27:24||Season 11, Ep. 5In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend’s idea of perfect sex is both of us having orgasms as quickly as possible. Skip the foreplay, get naked, apply the lube, and get straight into intercourse. My idea of perfect sex is a bit of flirting, undressing each other, making her climax a few times during foreplay, then penetration in as many different positions as we can manage until we’re both fully satisfied. Any suggestions for some sort of compromise?2) My friend is Indian and had an arranged marriage. She was a virgin at 34 when she got married, even though she’s sexually educated and masturbates. I was dreading the worst, but her marriage is happier—sexually and relationship-wise—than any other marriage in our friend group. Is there any evidence that having lots of casual sex doesn’t necessarily make you happier long-term?3) My husband and I are in our 40s and have been married 20 years. We’re madly in love and still have sex at least three times a week. My husband has a VERY high sex drive and this is the compromise we have settled on because more than three times is too much for me and less for him is unthinkable. We have three kids, I work a high-pressure job, and I do the kids' and home responsibilities. I think he should look after himself by masturbating, but he can't masturbate to completion. He says it's a psychological thing: it makes him feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. I'm so tired of this being a strain on our marriage. I’ve suggested therapy, but he says he can't talk about such sensitive stuff with a stranger.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!4. S11 Ep. 4: Midlife Erections, New Positions, and How to Know When to Leave
22:28||Season 11, Ep. 4In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) After years of having really good sex, my partner is now avoiding it. He’s 48. You always say if a man over 40 suddenly goes off sex, he’s having erection problems. I think you’re right because the last few times we did attempt sex, he couldn’t get hard. The thing is, we’re good at having sex, but not so good at talking about it. I have no idea of how to address the issue. Can you help?2) Our sex life is good, but we only ever do it doggy style or missionary. To be honest, we were quite happy with just doing those positions because the relationship was new. Now, we're two years in and we're thinking we should try something new. We're not interested in difficult, show-off positions like up against a wall, so keep it simple please!3) I’m a 34-year-old straight guy and in a relationship that I’d describe as 'okay.' I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years. Sometimes, we have a great time together and I think how much I love her. But when we argue—which is often—it feels very much like I should end it. I’ve been wrestling with this stay or leave decision for about a year now. Any clues to help me decide?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!3. S11 Ep. 3: Big Breasts, Weak Orgasms, and Is He Secretly Gay?
21:36||Season 11, Ep. 3In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner of four years is quite strange sexually. He seems to quite enjoy sex when I make the first move, but never initiates otherwise. He performs oral sex, but only if I insist and I can tell he doesn’t really like it. I thought he might be struggling with his sexuality and trying to force himself to be straight when he’s really gay, but he assures me that’s not the case. He tells me detailed stories about the great sex he’s had with women in the past—I think to convince me he isn’t gay—but that just makes me feel worse. Why isn’t he interested in having fun, adventurous sex with me? My self-esteem is being eroded and I’m not sure what to do.2) My wife has very large breasts and I’m not ashamed to say, they were the main reason why I was so attracted to her. She’s always found them a problem and has booked to get a breast reduction. She’s 40. I understand that they hurt her back and she’s tired of men looking at them, but I’m nervous. What if I don’t find her attractive with normal size breasts? I know this sounds selfish, but I have always been a breast man and I’ve never been out with a woman who doesn’t have big breasts.3) I’m a 43-year-old woman and I have two young children (aged two and four). I’ve always loved sex and made resuming sex after childbirth a priority. My problem is my orgasms aren’t as strong as they used to be. I used to orgasm hard—and loud! But now all I feel is a much weaker contraction. Will they ever return to normal? To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!2. S11 Ep. 2: Menopause and Sex, I Hate Being Polyamorous, and How to Build Sexual Confidence as a Young Man
23:03||Season 11, Ep. 2In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a 50-year-old man from Amsterdam and a loyal listener to your podcast. I'm married to a wonderful 48-year-old woman, and our love and sex life is good. However, my wife has recently started worrying a lot about menopause and its effects on her body and sex drive. Could you discuss this topic?2) My boyfriend and I became polyamorous six months ago. He said he loves me and wants to be with me, but hadn’t had his share of casual sex. I’ve had more sexual partners than he has, and he feels he missed out. We’re in our early 30s and plan on having kids soon. He's had four casual sexual relationships since we opened up our relationship which has made him happy, but me miserable. I thought I could handle non-monogamy, but I hate it. What should I do now?3) I’m a 21-year-old straight man and terrified of sexual situations and not being able to perform. How do I fix this before I have sex so I can do a decent job?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!